EP19 Importance of Managing Our Time in Homeschool – Transcript

EP19 Importance of Managing Our Time in Homeschool

[00:00:00] Amy: But we also wanna remember that we are modeling for our kids.

[00:00:09] Hi friends, and welcome. I’m your host AmyElizSmith. I’m a homeschool mom of three and have homeschooled each from the start. While I have a master’s in elementary ed, I want to teach other mamas that you don’t need a fancy degree to have the passion and knowledge to successfully educate your children from home.

[00:00:26] I hope to bring you encouragement to jump in and start your homeschool journey and provide my absolute best recommendations to help you begin your homeschool journey. Thanks for joining us along for this crazy, messy, grace filled homeschool ride.

[00:00:44] Hi friends. I’m so excited today to talk to you about the importance of how we use our time. As homeschool moms, we want to be absolutely intentional and grow into stronger, more capable humans ourselves. But we also wanna remember that we are modeling for our kids. We do need our breaks, but all too often social media or screens have replaced former ways that people used to use breaks.

[00:01:10] And I’m talking to myself here too. But what did people do before our phones were available to us 24/7? People had intentional conversations with friends, or they picked up a book or they had a short nap, or they got outside or took a short walk. These are far more healthier and fulfilling ways to have a break than picking up our phones and scrolling needlessly. Even a piece of dark chocolate is more beneficial to our bodies than the detrimental effects of that dopamine addiction that many of us have with our devices. And again, I’m talking to myself too. I have decided to not pick up my phone from nine to two during homeschool hours.

[00:01:56] So that has been really good. Unless I’m listening to a book while I’m washing dishes, or if I’m gonna take pictures with my phone. Now, that is a tough one because if we use our phone’s cameras, which they’re really good cameras, then we can maybe think that we’re going to just check something real quick and then it becomes too long.

[00:02:16] I have chosen to turn on my focus on my phone, and that’s an Apple phone, but a really great way to focus on our families during those homeschool times. So during those family times is to turn off all notifications and I really only have my husband on there, or my mom or my husband’s mom that can give me notifications and you can set those settings. When we turn all our notifications off, we are able to more focus on what’s right in front of us and what truly matters. Nancy Ray has this great quote and it says, “I wanna happen to my day. I don’t want my day to happen to me.” As moms, we can often feel that our kids run our day.

[00:02:58] This of course can be normal and good, and we are in different seasons of life. If you have babies and toddlers, their needs of are of course gonna dictate to much of your day but you can help them with their habits and routines to help bring down the whine and make sure things are more structured.

[00:03:14] Whether it’s the math lesson or a whiny or uncertain child or wiping noses or calming down fights, or going through those phonics cards one more time, we can be either joyful or we can be in the hard and the tough. We can decide our attitudes and even when plans derail at the drop of the hat, we can still decide to have positive thoughts in what happens to our days, but truly let us though control what we are able to control.

[00:03:42] Some of those things I just mentioned, some of them can be out of our control. We can control our response, but not necessarily everything that happens. So for me, what am I getting to? I actually fought having a homeschool schedule for a long time. And when you have younger children I personally think that is just fine, that children don’t need structured lessons when they’re three, four, and five necessarily.

[00:04:07] Now that my children are a bit older and I have a middle schooler, I have absolutely had a distinct schedule. And honestly child psychologists say that children who are on a structured schedule, they can thrive more because they know what to expect. If you have a child that might have particular needs, that can also be very good for them because they know what to expect and oftentimes if something disrupts their normal schedule, it can be very upsetting. But even Gandolph in Tolkin’s “The Fellowship of the Rings,” said it best, and I love this quote, “So do I,” said Gandolph. “And so do all who live to see such times, but that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.”

[00:04:52] We get to decide what to do with the time that has been given to us. Such beautiful words. So today I just wanted to talk about not squandering our time on the fruitless things and knowing that we are modeling how to spend our time and we are teaching our children through our own habits and we’re helping cultivate for our children, their habits. The last couple episodes I’ve walked you through both thinking positively and then having important habits. But this is so hard in this age of distraction. We have so many things competing for our time. And if you have a phone, I bet you have a phone, you’re probably listening to this on your phone. Advertisers are paid and they’re making billions of dollars on advertising to have you open up those pesky screens and those pesky apps, and they count on the fact that you’ll be on your phone and those dopamine hits that reach your brain will keep you on your phone, and that usage can be so addictive.

[00:05:56] Author Matt Perman of What’s Best Next said, “You’re satisfied with your day when there is a match between what you value and how you spend your time.” So we often maybe to complete family tasks or home tasks or things that are goals for our life, we can often find ourselves saying, I don’t have the time, but this actually means it’s not a priority, or I just don’t want to do it because time is a choice.

[00:06:24] That’s sometimes hard to hear that time is a choice. Often our lives can get derailed because we didn’t evaluate or think about the choices that we are actually making. And that goes back to a lot of times we’re doing things that aren’t necessary, but they’re habits, they’re habitual, and it’s hard to get out of that cycle, but you truly can if we have intentionality behind it.

[00:06:46] We should take charge of our day rather than letting others or the day rule us. The best way to do this is to set daily goals, and I absolutely love the Full Focus Planner for this by Michael Hyatt. I really recommend it. It’s not Inexpensive, but the Full Focus Planner walks you through your day and having a small schedule for your day, and then what are the three biggest tasks you want to accomplish?

[00:07:14] Now, these don’t have to be huge things for me. I often will write, read on the couch with my girls, do math with each kid, and it might include spend that hour writing whatever I need to write at that time, or I want to read at that time. But these are the tasks that are big, right? Eat the frog, do the thing that maybe you’ve been ignoring.

[00:07:37] I need to call the electrical bill or buy that plane ticket, whatever it is. I put those three main tasks of the day and the Full Focus Planner really has that down really well. Then he goes backwards and every Sunday there’s a section for what are your three biggest tasks for the week, what is most important?

[00:07:56] And maybe it is making that phone call. Or doing that small house project or putting together that photo album, whatever it is. And I love how this can become intentionality rather than letting your days just go by. Again, I have been there when I’ve had babies and toddlers with no sleep. My kids were not good sleepers for the first two years of all of their lives.

[00:08:19] It is okay to not have big, lofty goals or big projects that you need to accomplish. That is okay. Your work is still so worthy. Keeping those children alive and fed and happy and read to can be your three things. It truly can, but also don’t forget to take care of yourself as well. And then he moves back to what are your monthly goals?

[00:08:44] What are the three things you wanna get done in the month? And going to the Full Focus Planner, both my husband and I have been using it. It’s been really helpful because we’ve been doing monthly date nights, which has been really fun. We’ve also made sure how are we spending time with each of our kids individually?

[00:09:01] And this can be just a short walk. It can be an ice cream date. It sometimes has gone into just a quick car ride, but I like having that intentionality behind it or seeing a particular friend, seeing a particular family member, even if it’s just a one hour phone call or a half an hour phone call, writing those things down.

[00:09:20] Then he goes into quarterly goals. And annual goals, and you can really take a step back and see what do you want to accomplish for your family? This can be family goals or monetary goals or where do you want your child to be? What do you want them to have read? What do you want them to know?

[00:09:37] It can go in any direction. I really love it and I highly recommend it. I’m gonna have a couple calls to action in this episode to just give you some homework and to be thinking. So what are your three weekly goals this week? And what are your three daily goals today? Your weekly goals can be done on a Sunday evening, and then daily just thinking when you wake up before your kids read some scripture, and then just think what are the three things that if these things happen, I will feel good about my day and I won’t feel like my day has gone past me.

[00:10:14] In thinking about the daily and weekly goals, and I would love to hear that you completed that homework task. You can let me know and reach out to me. But in thinking about those things, you also wanna think about scheduling your time and scheduling in who matters most. Really being intentional.

[00:10:33] I would say with your immediate family, with your spouse. If you haven’t had a date night and it doesn’t need to cost a lot, you could just pack some sandwiches and go to the park. It does not have to be to a fancy dinner or anything, but having that intentionality with your spouse or having that intentional time reading a particular book to a particular child, or playing with a particular child down on the floor.

[00:10:59] Those things are really meaningful and it truly is kingdom work because our families are such a gift and we wanna cultivate those relationships. So when you’re thinking about your time and maybe scheduling your day, thinking about those people first, and also thinking about the friendships and the long distance relatives that you might want to reach out to.

[00:11:23] The second called action or homework task would be to write a list of those people in your life that you wanna see more or talk to more. When you have that list in front of you, you can form your time in a way that helps you spend more time with them because they’re what truly matter. Next we can eliminate and completely discard the unnecessary in our lives.

[00:11:46] And this means not overcommitting to things on our calendar. I know everyone has a different personality. For me, I don’t have that hard of a time saying no to things, but I know people who are maybe kinder than me, who are people pleasers and I see you. Check out the book, Crucial Conversations.

[00:12:07] The authors discuss the importance of learning how to say no. This is a struggle for those who overcommit or for those people pleasers. Different people have different struggles but your intention might be that you wanna make everyone happy, you wanna serve, but if it’s at the cost of your family’s peacefulness or just your mental health in general, then please say no.

[00:12:30] So how you can do this is create just a script for yourself and anytime someone asks you about something, you could say there are a couple things you could say. You could say yes, but, or you could ignore that. Impulse and you could say, no, not at this time. Or you can say, I don’t know.

[00:12:48] I’m gonna check my calendar. I would just implore you to say no next time. Or say, I need to check my calendar first. And then when you pulled out your calendar and see that you can’t do something, you can get back to that person and saying, upon looking at my schedule, I’m really not able to fit that in and complete all the things I have to do for my family right now.

[00:13:08] And people will honestly respect you for that. I think you’ll feel pretty good about it. You can make a list. This is your next call to action and homework to make a list of the things you can eliminate from your life. This could mean an over-commitment of co-op activities or afternoon activities.

[00:13:28] I had to cut some afternoon nature times, just to have a more peaceful afternoon and not to be rushing around as much. I need more time alone or more time to read to the kids need to have time to fit in that workout. Being able to say no to things has been really helpful and good for us.

[00:13:46] Because another important thing to remember is every time you say yes to something, you’re saying no to something else. As homeschool moms, can we say yes to that time with our kids, to the schoolwork that needs to be done? In order to say yes to that, we have to say no to something else. Because when we’re saying yes to all those activities, and some of those activities are very good, but that means we’re saying no to our kids or to our spouse, when really those are the relationships we should be building.

[00:14:14] Now, I’m not against activities. We have actually been so blessed by doing swim in the last couple years. My son has really thrived. He’s a middle schooler now, and swim has just really helped him. We also joined a co-op this year. But there have been seasons because for the three years prior to this, I wasn’t part of any regular group where I was tasked to teach something or we had to rush somewhere.

[00:14:40] Again, there are seasons in life where you can say yes and you can intentionally say no. Why do we plan our weeks? I love this metaphor. This has been an age old metaphor thinking about rocks, pebbles, and sand. When we fill our jars full of the activities that need to be done or the people we need to see, we don’t wanna fill it with sand first.

[00:15:03] And sand is supposed to represent the kind of more monotonous things that aren’t as important. The pebbles are, you probably should do, but the rocks are the people and the most important things in our lives. So if we fill our jar, so to speak, with rocks first, which represents those people that we talked about earlier that you wanna see and talk to, and then you fill it with some pebbles, the things you need to do or you have the intention of doing.

[00:15:28] And finally, the sand can be those things that can just be, if you have the time, you can fit in the sand activities. So if you think about that, why do we plan it? Because we want to have the time, but also the effort and energy that’s attached to it for those big rocks. And the big rocks are definitely our spouses and our kits.

[00:15:51] I’m gonna let you know the last homework task or call to action, and I’d love to hear how this is going for any of you, but planning your week. I talked to you about the Full Focus Planner on Sundays, you can plan your big three for the week. What are the three goals you have that will really help you feel accomplished for that week?

[00:16:10] But another thing you can do is even schedule your whole week out, down to the hour, down to the minute. Of when you’re gonna do things. Now this can seem really tedious. Why in the world would I wanna do that? Or it can seem just too overwhelming to try to tackle something like that, but it can be so eye-opening as you reflectively look upon how do I actually spend my time?

[00:16:36] When am I picking up the phone? When am I scrolling? When am I doing the right things or the wrong things, the good habits of the bad habits, and this a time awareness log can really help you with that. In the show notes, I’m gonna have a link to that, and also a link to these quick four homework tests that I’ve talked to you about if you want to dive a little bit deeper into your time and really owning your time, then I’d love, love, love to help you with that. So make sure to check out the show notes so you can get some of those free resources. That activity, the activity of looking down to the hour, down to the minute of where we’re spending your time, I will confess I have been guilty of opening my phone to check one thing, to check one message, and then I’ve scrolled for a while, or I’m talking to someone where the kids are waiting for a lesson at that time.

[00:17:28] What could I be doing with that time? I could be doing the lesson, or if there’s something else in the house that I need to take care of my home. Or read a paragraph in a book. One thing that I’ve wanted to do and I have books around the house and I put a bookmark in each of the books so I know where I’m at and those times where you’re tempted to pick up your phone, you could find a book in a room cuz there’s a book in every room.

[00:17:51] And just read a paragraph instead. Something that’s edifying and something that’s intentional rather than quickly grabbing our phones and we can model this for our kids and share with them that this is intentional and we can do this today. So remember, everything I’ve said today is something I’m continuing to work on. Talking about it helps me frame it in my mind how important this is. I have not perfected this, but I do highly recommend that Full Focus Planner and I recommend you just take some time if you’ve never done this before, to grab those call to action tasks and those four homework tasks. First, that was setting your three weekly goals and then daily your three goals.

[00:18:35] Next, it was making that list of people that matter most and how you’re going to

[00:18:40] Amy: see them and spend time with them or talk to them and making them a priority in your life. Third, it was making a list of things you can absolutely eliminate from your life and say, no, I’m not gonna do this right now. And it doesn’t mean you can’t go back to it in a months or years to come, but it can help you frame, okay, if these aren’t following my weekly or daily goals, then I’m gonna, I’m gonna discard it right now. And the fourth task was printing out a time log and taking a look at everything you do and just knowing you control your time. Don’t let the day get away from you.

[00:19:17] After you’ve done that, after you’ve maybe gotten a planner out, you’ve taken a look at your time and you’ve done your time log, making a schedule visible is a really great way to keep yourself on task because you will need accountability and having something, maybe a big whiteboard or having it available to you so you can check it every morning, check it throughout the day.

[00:19:38] That can be really helpful. And let me say again, that having your children on a schedule during school hours is a really, it’s a really important thing. So we try to do our schoolwork from about nine to Two. So afternoons are spent. On their personal interests and creating things. But nine to two, they know that they’re gonna into the schoolwork.

[00:20:02] Their schoolwork is laid out for them, and they’re ready to go. And your schedule’s gonna look different from mine. And some families are very particular where they have 15 minutes, 30 minutes per subject, and they move boom. I don’t personally do that, but whatever fits your child’s personality, whatever fits your parenting personality, that is wonderful.

[00:20:20] But overall, kids do need a start in an end time for them to know their tasks for the day. And I’m talking about kids who are a bit older. I don’t think that is necessary before age six certainly. And that is another topic for another episode. We’ll be talking about different age groups and what should be expected for what the day looks like.

[00:20:40] I also have two more videos I’m going to attach to the show notes. Lots of notes today. Jordan Peterson is really wonderful and he has a great video. It’s actually directed towards college students, but I think parents can take it, kids can take it. Talking about how we use our time and how we can use it more effectively, how we waste time. And then the second video is from Laura Vander Kerm. She is a time management expert and I love how she frames gaining control of your time. And yeah, it’s something we can definitely think about. I’d I wanted to leave you with a Bible verse and I thought, how does God talk about time?

[00:21:21] Does Jesus mention time? I found this story. This is a story of Jesus healing the blind man with his own spit and mud from the ground. I’m gonna read this to you. “As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked Him, “Rabbi who sinned this man or his parents that he is born blind?”

[00:21:41] “Neither this man nor his parents sin,” said Jesus, “But this happens so that the works of God might be displayed in him. As long as it is day we must do the work of Him who sent me. coming when no one can work. While I am in the world, I am the light of the world.” Jesus says here, as long as it is day, we must do the work of him who sent me.

[00:22:03] As long as we have breath, let’s use our time to do the work of the Lord and to honor Him. Homeschool and raising our children is the work of the Lord. It is worship to God. We’re raising our little ones and this is a noble thing to do. Dear your friends, we are in this together. I am cheering for you and I truly hope that this episode has helped your homeschool day.

[00:22:27] You’re in the grind. You are fighting the race, and you are fighting the good fight. And I’m proud of you, friend, and thank you so much for joining me today.